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Kubabarira: Igikorwa cy’Urukundo cyangwa ahubwo ni Ukwigambanira?

December 5, 2024
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Ubuhamya bwa Dr Patrick Habamenshi

Abantu bakunze kuvuga ko kubabarira (gutanga imbabazi) ari igikorwa cy’urukundo,ariko uburyo iyo nyigisho idutsindagirwamo ntibusobanutse. Sosiyete itwigisha ko kubabarira ari ikintu gisabwa kugira ngo umuntu akire ibikomere, ko ari impano tugomba guha abatugiriye nabi – tutitaye ku miterere y’ibibi byabo, incuro babidukoreye, cyangwa ibyiyumvo byacu bwite. Ntabwo nemeranya na byo,habe na gato. Ni gute inzira yo gukira ibikomere isaba ko tubanza kwirengagiza abatubabaje tutitaye ku byo twanyuzemo byose kugirango twumve ibyadukorewe? Ni gute iyo nzira yo kutwomora ibikomere ibanza kwihakana uko twiyumva ishobora kuganisha ku gukira ibikomere byacu mu buryo bufatika?

IINiba ushaka gukurikira inyandiko za Dr Patrick Habamenshi, kunda kandi ukurikire ipaji ye: Um’Khonde Patrick HabamenshiII

Iyo duhatiwe guha imbabazi umuntu watubabaje, ni nk’aho tuba twambuwe kabiri izuba riva – twambuwe mbere na mbere icyubahiro cyacu mu buryo bufatika,mu buryo bw’ibyiyumvo, no marangamutima yacu, tuba twambuwe kandi uburenganzira bwacu bwo gusaba ko uwahemutse aryozwa ibyo yakoze. Ni nk’aho jye wahohotewe ntegekwa guhindukira kandi nkagororera abahemu mbahembera ibibi byabo.

Kubabarira bikunze kwigishwa nk’itegeko: ugomba kubabarira byanze bikunze niba ushaka gukira ibikomere. Nta n’ubwo nibura byigishwa nka bumwe mu buryo bushoboka, kandi ababidutsindagiramo ntibabasha gusobanura uburyo kubababarira ari yo nzira yonyine yo gukira n’impamvu. Iyo nyigisho ikunze kudutsindagirwamo cyane cyane binyuze mu nyigisho z’idini. Ariko se ahubwo ibi byo gutegeka abahemukiwe gutanga imbabazi bisa nk’agahato ntibishyigkira imyitwarire mibi iha ubudahangarwa abakoze ibyaha no kubumvisha ko uko byagenda kose bazahabwa imbabazi z’amabi bakora?

Kuri jye kubabarira ku gahato numva ari ibyo guca ibintu hejuru gusa, biha urwaho inkozi z’ibibi; kandi bicinyiza uwahemukiwe, aho kugabanya umutwaro wawe wo mu byiyumvo, birawongera kandi ukarushaho kuremererwa ubuzima bwawe bwose busigaye ubaho mu bwigunge. Ni nko guterwa gatarina iwawe ukibwa warangiza ukiruka inyuma y’amabandi uyahamagara ngo nagaruke ajyane n’ikindi kintu cy’agaciro kenshi wari usigaranye ari cyo ubumuntu bwawe.

None se niba dusaba ubutabera no kwishyurwa ibyacu mu gihe ibandi ryatwibye, kuki tugomba kubabarira abatwambuye ubumuntu urukundo, kwizerana, n’icyizere cyo kubaho? Kandi se ni ukubera iki kubabarira bihinduka guhengamira ku ruhande rumwe? Kuki se ahubwo tutahatira abakoze icyaha ubwabo kwemera ibyo bakoze no kubisabira imbabazi? Kuki se umutwaro wose wikorezwa uwahohotewe ategekwa kubabarira, mu gihe uwateje imibabaro yose we nta nshingano Sosiyete imuha?

⭕️ Uko kubabarira nabi byangizeho ingaruka

Nubwo nashidikanyaga, nakundaga kubabarira mu buryo ntanakerejeho, mbigiranye umwete, nta gushidikanya kandi nta kindi ntegereje k’uwahemutse uretse kwishakira gusa amahoro yo mu mutima. Ariko inshuro nyinshi, abo nari narababariye bongeye kumbabaza. Ndetse na nyuma yo kubakura mu buzima bwanjye, bagiye bashakisha uburyo bwo kungeraho binyuze mu bantu bari hafi yanjye kandi ibyo bagiye biteza izindi ngaruka.

Uyu munsi rero, iyo umuntu nubashye cyangwa nitagaho by’umwihariko ampemukiye, sinshobora kongera kugwa mu mutego wo gutagaguza imbabazi nk’inzoga ibishye batabanje bo ubwabo kuzikorera. Iyo umuntu yari yarahawe icyizere cyose n’icyubahiro cyanjye mbere yo guhemuka ubu muri iki gihe noneho sinakwemera kumuhembera amabi ye, hejuru y’ubuhemu bwose,ngo muhe indi nzira idakwiye yo guhunga ikimwaro cye.

Igihe ubuzima bwanjye bwashengurwaga n’uburemere bw’ibikomere by’ihungabana ryanjye ribisi – ibyinshi muri byo bikaba byaratewe no gukabya kwanjye – nagombaga kwemera kureba ukuri mu maso,ukuri kubabaza : uburyo bwanjye bwo kubaho nibwo bwakomeza kunsubiza mu bihe bimwe byanyangije. Ntabwo ari imbabazi ubwazo zateje iryo hohoterwa byanze bikunze, ariko nabyo byatumaga rirushaho gushinga imizi. Aho kunshishikariza guhangana n’abantoteza, imbabazi zabaye inzira yoroheje yo kwimurira ibyaha byabo mu mutimanama wanjye. Aho kugira ngo mfate abo bantu nk’uburozi bwangiza; nihatiraga kubabona nk ‘“abana b’Imana” “batazi icyo bakora” bityo bakaba bakwiriye kubabarirwa aho gucirwaho iteka.

Mu kubikora, niciraga urubanza jye ubwanjye – ariko ntabizi. Nabaye umusemburo w’imibabaro yanjye bwite, nsa nk’uhaye uruhushya abandi ngo banyicare ku gakanu kandi iyo myumvire igatuma nirengagiza ububabare bwo guhohoterwa numvaga. Mu kwihutira kubabarira ah ango nibwo ndoroherwa igikomere ubwacyo cyarirengagijwe, gisigara ahubwo kinzonga kuko ihungabana ritakize kugeza ubwo ngera aho ntakibasha kugihishira.Ibyo gutagaguza imbabazi byambereye nka gereza nifungiranyemo ituma ububabare bwanjye butagaragara burushaho kunyihererana no kunyangiza maze aho kwibohora iyo ngoyi ngo ndwane n’ibintu byambabaje cyane mu buzima bwanjye,ndushaho kuneshwa na byo.

⭕️ Uko abantu benshi bumva ibyo gutanga imbabazi byongerera abababaye umutwaro uremereye

Ikindi kintu kimbabaza cyane mu biganiro bijyanye no kubabarirana, cyane cyane kubemera buhumyi, ku bigisha, no ku bamamaza ibyo gutanga imbabazi nta kibanje gusabwa, ni impaka zerekana ko ngo kwanga kubabarira ari ikimenyetso cy’urwango rwadusabitse ko mbese uwanga kubabarira ari we ukurura urwango mu bantu. Jye mbibona ukundi. Niba mbabariye umuntu utabikwiye, mba ndi mu kaga ko kwiyanga jye ubwanjye kuko nahaye imbabazi umuntu utazikwiriye(kuri jye). Icyo gihe rero, kubabarira ntabwo aba ari inzira yo gukira ibikomere ahubwo biba bizanye igikomere gishya. Niba sosiyete ishaka gutanga imbabazi, ni uburenganzira bwayo bwo kubikora, ariko ntigomba na rimwe kubikora ibanje kongera guhohotera uwahohotewe.

Niba koko kubabarira ari urufunguzo rw’ubuzima buzana ituze n’amahoro, kuki nyuma yo kuzitanga akenshi bidusiga tudakize habe no koroherwa? Bigenda bite se mu gihe uwatubabaje yanze kwemera amakosa ye ibyaha bye cyangwa kwikosora, ahubwo agahitamo gukomeza no kongera gukora ibibi bye nk’aho nta cyabaye? Ese ibyaha byabo bishya birahita bisibwa na za mbabazi za mbere, cyangwa dutegetswe kwihanganira irindi shavu tugakomeza kubabarira nk’itegeko? Ni gute gukira ibikomere kwacu gushingiye ku bantu bafite ibikorwa tudafiteho icyo twabikoraho? Iyi vanjili yo kubabarira twazaniwe n’inyigisho z’amadini zikinjizwa mu mahame agenga ubuzima mbonezamubano tutanemerewe kwibazaho ibibazo nk’ibi,kuri jye mbona ingaruka mbi bizana ziruta ibyiza bisiga.

Nubwo nkomeje urugendo rwanjye rwo gukira ibikomere n’ihungabana, uko mbona ibi byo gutanga imbabazi ntabwo byahindutse. Ibiri amambu,ubu ndasobanutse neza kurusha mbere hose, kuko uko mbona ibintu muri iki gihe ntibikigenwa n’ibikomere cyangwa uburakari byanjye. Natunguye inshuti zanjye igihe nazibwiraga ko nisubiyeho ku bantu bose nari narahaye imbabazi gutyo gusa,ko nazisubiranye.Mu by’ukuri iryo tangazo ntabwo ryari ukuri kuzuye ahubwo nashakaga ko bumva ko bishoboka gusubirana imbabazi zatanzwe bitari bikwiriye. Icyakora imbabazi zimwe nari narazihaye abazikwiriye kandi zo birumvikana ko zagumyeho. Ariko ku bandi – ba bandi bafite ububi kandi binangiye bagakomeza gushaka uko bandimbura babigiranye ubugome buvanzemo uburyarya,ba bandi banyangije kandi ibikomere banteye bikaba byaranze gukira,abo rwose nicuza kuba nari narabababariye. Kuri bene aba nakuyeho imbabazi zose nari narabahaye kandi birashoboka ko ntazongera no gutekereza kubababarira ukundi. Gukiza ni itegeko. Kubabarira ntabwo. Ninzira ebyiri zitandukanye kandi zidafitanye isano. Kubahatira hamwe ntacyo byangiza kuruta ibyiza.

Buriya gukira igikomere cyangwa ibikomere byawe ni itegeko ariko kubabarira byo si itegeko.Ni ibintu bibiri bitandukanye kandi bitajyana byanze bikunze. Gushaka kubihuza ku ngufu no kwemeza ko kimwe kidashoboka hatabanje ikindi nibyo byangiza kurusha gukiza.

“Niba sosiyete ishaka gutanga imbabazi, ni uburenganzira bwayo bwo kubikora, ariko ntigomba na rimwe kubikora ibanje kongera guhohotera uwahohotewe. ”.

⭕️ Kwibabarira

Igihe natangiraga urugendo rwanjye rwo gukira, uburakari bwanjye bwerekezaga hanze – ku bandi. Ariko buhoro buhoro, natangiye kubwiyerekezaho ubwanjye muri jye imbere. Sinari narigeze nirakarira cyane mbere yaho. Birababaje, yego, ariko urwego rw’uburakari nirakariye rwari rushya. Numvaga, ku nshuro ya mbere, nibona neza mu bintu nahuye nabyo, mu gihe mbere, ibyo nibuka byanyerekaga gusa ibyakozwe n’abandi. Nagumye muri iyo mimerere igihe gito, ndumirwa, kugeza igihe namenyeye ko ndimo kwiyangiza nicira urubanza ndetse nirakarira kurusha uko narakariraga abampemukiye. Buhoro buhoro, naje kugera ku mwanzuo ko nta muntu ukwiye guhohoterwa,hanyuma ngo amare ubuzima bwe bwose busigaye yishinja kandi yicira urubanza rwo kuba yarizeye abantu babi agakabya.

Naje kwibabarira ibyaha byo kuba narihambiriye ahantu hampungabanya, icyaha cyo kuba ntarirwanyeho, n’icyo kwikorera umutwaro w’icyaha n’ikimwaro byagombye kuba byikorewe n’abantoteje. Nagombaga guhangana n’imbaraga zimbitse zo kumva nari uwo kugirirwa impuhwe gusa, n’iz’umubabaro natewe n’ibyo naciyemo. Mu gihe cy’imyaka runaka namaze nirakariye ku buryo nibagiwe uwo ndi we mbere ya byose. Iyo ntiga isomo ryo kwibabarira jye ubwanjye, ubwo burakari buba bwarantaye kure cyane.

Kwibabarira byabaye inzira yanjye yo kugarura imbaraga zanjye. Imbabazi zanjye si impano mpa abandi-ni impano niha jye ubwanjye mbere na mbere. Kwibabarira ntabwo ari ukubabarira ibikorwa by’abandi ahubwo ni uguhagarika kwicira urubanza no kumva ikimwaro cy’icyaha cy’abandi. Uku kwibabarira cyangwa kwiha imbabazi ntabyo byizana ako kanya kandi ntibyoroshye ahubwo noi urugendo; ni nko kugerageza gukingura urugi rwa gereza y’uburibwe wari wifungiranyemo. Buri gikorwa cyo kwibabarira ugezeho kikwegereza urugi rwo kubohoka n’umudendezo.

“Kwibabarira ntabwo ari ukubabarira ibikorwa by’abandi ahubwo ni uguhagarika kwicira urubanza no kumva ikimwaro cy’icyaha cy’abandi.”.

⭕️ Ntabwo kugira ngo ukire ibikomere utegetswe kubanza gutanga imbabazi

Ni ngombwa gutandukanya ibintu bibiri: mu rugendo rwo gukira ibikomere byacu si itegeko kubanza kubabarira ngo ukunde ukire. Ni gute ushobora kwirinda igitutu cy’umuco utegeka ko ngo kugira ngo ukire ibikomere byawe, wumve umerewe neza,ugomba kubanza kubabarira mbese ko ibikomere byawe bizakizwa no gutanga imbabazi utitaye ku waguhemukiye?

Uzabigeraho nuramutse ushyize imbaraga zawe zose, n’umutima wawe wose, kandi ushikamye ku ngaruka iryo hohoterwa ryakugizeho, aho kugwa mu mutego wo gushyira urugendo rwawe rwo gukira hafi y’ihohoterwa wagiriwe cyangwa y’uwaguhohoteye.

Ushobora kuba wumva byoroshye kubivuga ariko ko mu bikorwa bigoye cyane,cyane cyane iyo wagabweho ibitero biguhungabanya mu mutwe no mu byiyumo,aho ababigukoze bahora bagaruka mu butekerezo byawe iteka. Ndetse na nyuma yo kubigiza kure y’ubuzima bwawe, bakora uko bashoboye kose bakaguhora “hafi” aho bumva impumeko yawe, nk’abarungurutsi batagira isoni bahora bakurunguruka n’igihe utababona wibwiraga ko wiherereye.

Niba ari iyi mimerere urimo muri ibi bihe, ugomba gukora uko ushoboye kose ugakora isuku ukirukana mu buzima bwawe no hafi yawe abo bantu. Igihe nafataga umwanzuro wo gukira bubi na bwiza ibikomere byanjye, imwe mu ntego zanjye za mbere kwari ukwirukana abacengezi bose banyinjirana iwanjye,haba kubirukana mu bitekerezo byanjye cyangwa kubakura mu mutima wanjye. Ariko mbere y’uko mbikora, nagombaga kubanza gusobanukirwa uburyo banyinjiriye. Naje gusanga urukuta nari narubatse mu bwenge bwanjye no mu bitekerezo byanjye kugira ngo rundinde rwuzuyemo ibyuho – ibyuho nari nararemye ntabizi, inshuro nyinshi, nijye wabemereraga kunyinjirana .

Uti gute? Igihe cyose numvaga amazina yabo cyangwa ikindi kintu cyanyibutsaga utuntu duto tw’ibyo nahuye nabyo, ubwenge bwanjye bwahitaga buntwara muri bya bihe, umutima wanjye ugasubira muri rya shavu n’ibintu bibabaza, ngasa n’urimo gusura ibintu mu by’ukuri nifuzaga kutazigera nongera no kwibuka.

Ibyo byansubizaga inyuma cyane kandi bikantera ubukana n’agahinda nk’aho byabaye ejo hashize. Nongeraga kubona amasura yabo yuzuye urwango, y’abangambaniye, y’abacuze imigambi mitindi, ya za nshuti zakuragamo akarenge zikanta mu bibazo zikazimira burundu, rya rungu ribi,hamwe n’ibihe nabaga nicaye mbara amasaha n’iminsi Bisigaye ngo ngwe nubamye mu mutego banteze. Hari ibihe ntabashaga kugenzura ibitekerezo byanjye maze ntibyemere ko ibyo byabayeho kera ahubwo bikansubiza mu bihe neza neza nkibona hagati muri abo bantu b’ibihundugembe n’ibibi bankoreye, maze bikongera ububabare bwanjye bwatinze kuko bwangoye kubuhagarika. Byasabye imbaraga zidasanzwe kugira ngo mpagarike ibyo bitekerezo byizana, kuko naje kubona ibyahise bishobora kugaruka gusa ari uko twabibyemeye. Nafunze ibyuho byose maze nongera kubaka urukuta rwanjye rwo kundinda, sinategereje ko rwizana; ahubwo ni urukuta nubatse mbigambiriye kugira ngo ndinde amahoro yanjye.

Uyu munsi, urwo rukuta runyemerera kurebera hakuno ibikorwa byabo byose ariko bitabaye ngombwa ko nsubira kubyiyegereza no kubabazwa nabyo mu byiyumvo byanjye no mu buzima bwanjye.

“Nafunze ibyuho byose maze nongera kubaka urukuta rwanjye rwo kundinda, sinategereje ko rwizana; ahubwo ni urukuta nubatse mbigambiriye kugira ngo ndinde amahoro yanjye.”.

⭕️ Gukira ibikomere

Gukira burundu biragoye cyane kuruta gutanga gusa imbabazi nta kibanje gusabwa nta gikorwa gikozwe. Gukira neza bisaba ibintu bibiri by’ingenzi:

1. Gushyira imbaraga mu kumenya no gufunga ibyuho byose bikugarura mu ihungabana

2. Kubanza kwikunda no kwigirira impuhwe mbere ya byose

Gukiza ni igikorwa cya buri munsi cyo kwigirira impuhwe, kwiha amasezerano yyo kwigirira impuhwe bihoraho, gusinya isezerano na we ubwawe ryo kubaho uko byagenda kose – ndetse rimwe na rimwe n’ubwo waba usigaye wenyine rudori- no kurinda cyane ibintu byawe by’agaciro kurusha ibindi byose utunze. Gukira ni ukubanza kwemera ko ihungabana ryakwangije, ariko ko amazi atarenze inkombe, ko gukira bishoboka. Ihungabana si iry’iteka ryose, si iherezo ry’ubuzima.

Imbabazi n’urukundo ni impano zikomeye dushobora gutanga, kandi rwose nifitiye umwenda munini wo kwikunda no kwibabarira, nta mwenda mbibereyemo abagambanyi n’abantoteje.

Kwibabarira no kwikunda wowe ubwawe mbere na mbere bigushyira mu mwanya ukwiriye si ku ruhande rw’ibyakubayeho. Ni wowe ubara inkuru yawe aho guha rugali abaguhemukiye kuba ari bo babara inkuru yawe. Kwibabarira no kwikunda ni ibikorwa bikugarurira amahoro yo mu mutima n’ituze no gukomeza kwigirira icyizere. Ni uburyo bwo kwiyubaka no kuzamura icyubahiro wifitemo.Ni ukwizamura ugahagarara ntiwemere guhetamishwa no kutiyitaho maze ukitegurira iminsi mishya,ibihe byiza biri imbere yawe. Ni uburyo kandi bwo kumenya ko urukundo nyakuri ukunda abandi rushoboka gusa ari uko ubanje kwikunda wowe ubwawe.

Kubabarira bikunze gufatwa akenshi nk’itegeko mu bantu, ariko gupfusha ubusa iyo mpano y’agaciro uyiha umuntu utayikwiriye bikongerera umutwaro wo kumva wifItiye umwenda udashira ku busa.

IIKurikira Dr. Patrick Habamenshi’s blog, ku ipaji ye ya facebook wisomere ubu buhamya neza neza uko yabwanditse mu gifaransa no mu cyongereza: Um’Khonde Patrick HabamenshiII

II Kunkurikira kuri Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2 II Kunkurikira kuri facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/. 

English version: Forgiveness-Love or Betrayal?

Version française: Le Pardon–Amour ou Trahison ?

Iyi si,

Auteur HAKIZIMANA Maurice II Kunkurikira kuri Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2 II Kunkurikira kuri facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/. 

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