Ndakubwira ibintu bitandatu wagombye kwitondera mu gushakana n’umugore cyangwa umugabo ufite abana yabyaye ahandi

Umwanditsi: HAKIZIMANA Maurice

Gushaka cyangwa kongera gushaka,ni ibintu byo kwitonderwa cyane.Ushobora kuba ari bwo uba ugiye gukubitika kurusha ikindi gihe cyose mu mateka yawe.Nkabona na Pawulo wo muri Bibiliya avuga ngo abashaka “bazagira imibabaro mu mubiri”(abo ni abashaka bisanzwe) ngaho noneho tekereza abashaka bwa kabiri,cyangwa bwa mbere ariko bagashakana n’abananiwe ingo za mbere cyangwa abasongongeye ku rushako. Hano ndibanda gusa ku gushakana n’umuntu wabyaye,ufite umwana umwe cyangwa abana barenze umwe.

1 Kor 7: 28.(Bibiliya yera)

Icyakora warongora nta cyaha waba ukoze. N’umwari yashyingirwa nta cyaha yaba akoze. Ariko abameze batyo bazagira imibabaro mu mubiri, ku bwanjye nakunda kuyibakiza.

AMAFOTO MEZA CYANE Y’ABAGABO N’ABAGORE BASHATSE UBWA MBERE BAKABA BARATANYE CYANGWA BARATANDUKANYE N’ABO BABYARANYE.

(1) Uzaba ugiye gushaka umwana na nyina, cyangwa umwana na se

Iyo ushatse bene uwo mugore (cyangwa umugabo) ufite abana arera wenyine, n’ubwo mwaba mukundana gute,menya ikintu kimwe: ushatse umugore n’abana be,ushatse umugabo n’abana be.Si abana bawe,ni abe, kandi wagombye kumenya ko urugo rutangiranye n’abana rutazamo urukundo rwinshi cyane nk’urw’abashakanye ari bonyine. Ntuzaryoshya mu buryo bworoshye,ntimuzatemberana mutuje mwasize umwana mu rugo, kandi ntacyo muzakora mu ibanga ryanyu rya babiri mutikanga. Wagombye kuba ubizi mbere yo gushakana na bene abo bantu.

Ese urabyiteguye? Ese uzubaha uwo mwashakanye wubahe n’abana be ndetse n’igihe umwana azaba ashaka kwisanzura ku mubyeyi we ari bonyine? Menya ko abana be ntaho bazajya, muri kumwe, mushinganye umuryango mushya. Uriteguye?

(2) Uzahangana n’ifuhe rikomeye

Tuvugishije ukuri se,ninde koko wifuza gusangira uwo bashakanye n’undi muntu? Ese ntuzi ko hari ababyeyi benshi banafuhira abana babo bwite bibyariye iyo bahorana n’umubyeyi umwe bigatuma kuryoshya bigabanuka?  Gushakana n’umugabo cyangwa umugore ufite abana, bizagutera guhora ufuhira ko bagutwara uwo mwashakanye.Uko ni ukuri.

Reka bwo rero ngo umuzungu arashakana n’umwirabura, wenda umwe asanganywe abana mudahuje n’ibara ry’uruhu. Ese uwo mwana azagufata ate? Uzirikane ko wakundanye na se cyangwa na nyina,ko we nta sezerano ryo gukundana mwagiranye. Abana benshi ndetse bamaze guca akenge bafuhira ababyeyi babo kuko nabo baba bababatwaye.

Ese witeguye guhangana n’ifuhe ryawe kongeraho iry’umwana cyangwa abana nabo batakwifuza hagati yabo n’umubyeyi wabo? Niba kandi uwo mwashakanye yaratanye cyangwa yaratandukanye n’uwo babanaga, hari bamwe bongera bagahura, bagahuzwa n’abana cyangwa umwana babyaranye, bakaba bakongera kuryamana. Ni bake cyane yego,ariko bijya bibaho. Kugirana umwana n’umuntu ugihari biba ari nk’igihango gikomeye. Reka rero abe hari icyo akurusha? Niba witeguye iyo ntambara ya gatatu y’isi, uri intwari y’intwarane.

(3) Uzaba ugiye gusaranganya umugore (cyangwa umugabo) n’umwana we

Mu rukundo rusanzwe, bijya bibaho guhura n’umuntu ugahita umukunda. Iyo nawe yahise agukunda, hanyuma mugahita mubana, mutangira kumenyana mwaramaze kurwubaka. Ku bw’amahirwe,iyo mwembi muri abantu bakuze, bazi icyo bashaka, murihanganirana mukarwubaka. Ibi ariko ntuzabikinishe ku mugore cyangwa umugabo washatse rimwe cyangwa kabiri bikanga, akaba yarabyaye abana, akabarera. Ubunararibonye afite mu rushako kongeraho kurera abana ari wenyine, ugakubitaho kuba amaze imyaka ari “iyiragira ikicyura”,ntibyoroha mu rushako rushya. Kuvuga ko bitoroha ntibivuga ko bidashoboka,ariko ugomba kumushaka ubizi neza kandi ubyiteguye.

N’ubwo yakubwira ko nta kibazo cy’umwana we uzagira,ko afite uko azamwikuraho, ariko menya ko amaraso atari amazi. Urukundo afitanye n’umwana we cyangwa abana be rurakomeye cyane kurusha urwo uri kwibwira ko agukunda. Kurera abana be, kubakunda no kubahangayikira, bizahora ku mwanya wa mbere.

Mu gihe uhisemo gushaka umwana(abana) na nyina cyangwa na se,bizagusaba gukora cyane kugira ngo uwo mwashakanye abasaranganye urukundo n’igihe cye. Tegura ibihe muzajya mwibeta muri wenyine, nk’igihe abana boherejwe ku wundi mubyeyi cyangwa bagiye gukina no gutembera n’abaturanyi n’incuti. Bizagusaba kuba umubyeyi w’abo bana,gufasha uwo mwashakanye mu kubitaho,kugira ngo muze kubona umwanya wanyu mwembi.

Uko byagenda kose,mu bo mwashakana kubera amaburakindi,ntuzakinishe umugabo cyangwa umugore ufite abana. Uzamushake wabitekerejeho,wapimye neza ingorane n’inyungu uzabigiramo.

(4) Uzajya wirinda kuvuga uhubutse,uzahora wigengesera

Iyo umaze gushakana n’umubyeyi n’abana be, uba ugomba kurinda ururimi rwawe cyane. Biroroshye guhubuka ugacira urubanza mugenzi wawe, cyane cyane ku kuntu afata abana be yazanye. Bijya bizaba intonganya nyinshi.Mbere yo gutanga inama ku burere aha umukobwa we cyangwa umuhungu we uri kugimbuka,jya ubanza umenye uko basanzwe babana utarabizamo. Bamaranye imyaka ari bonyine,kandi ibyo ntibyahinduka ngo ni uko mwashakanye.


Niba muteganya kubyarana uwo cyangwa abo muhuriyeho, ushobora guteganya ibihe byo kuganira ku burere wifuza ku bo muzabyarana, ushingiye wenda ku kuntu ubona arera uwo cyangwa abo yazanye mu rushako rwanyu.

Ubusanzwe ababyeyi bashakanye babana n’abana bazanye bakunze kureka guhana abana b’uwo bashakanye kugeza babonye umwanya uhagije wo kubona uburenganzira bwo kubaha uburere. Imiryango imwe ivanze ikoresha uburyo mu cyongereza twita nacho parenting, aho umubyeyi utari uwibyariye uwo mwana arekera ibyo guhana umwana umubyeyi wamwibyariye.

(5) Uzajya umugaragariza urukundo wiyiba

Iki bakunze kucyibagirwa iyo bahuye, bagahita bakundana, kandi bagombye kubigendamo gahoro bakabanza kumenya abana b’umwe muri bo cyangwa ba bombi. Sura abana be, mumenyane, bakumenyere, ku buryo bitazabagora kukwita “papa” cyangwa “mama” igihe uzaba urongowe na se cyangwa urongoye nyina. Hari ubwo umubyeyi abwira umwana we cyangwa abana be ko agiye gushakana nawe, bakakwanga hakibona. Guhatiriza aha ngo abana ntibibareba, biba bizarusenya rucyubakwa. Ni byiza rwose ko abana biyumva mu mukunzi w’umubyeyi wabo. Ikindi,hari ibyo muzigomwa mumaze gushakana: kugaragarizanya urukundo imbere y’abana akenshi ntibyoroha.

Urugero: Gusomana imbere y’abana b’umwe muri mwe, gufata ukuboko kwa mugenzi wawe cyangwa kumukurura mujyana mu bwogero cyangwa mu cyumba biba bitoroshye abana bari aho. Gutera akabariro ukoma akaruru mu nzu aho abana bumva, ntibiba bigishoboka. Byonyine no kumenya ko nyina (cyangwa se) ari mu buriri ari gukora ibintu n’uwo muntu utari se cyangwa utari nyina bibica mu mutwe. Ibyo kugaragarizanya urukundo rw’abakundana mu buryo bwaka umuriro,ntibiba bikwiriye.Muri make, ni ngombwa kuzirikana abana be n’ibyiyumvo byabo. Jya ufata igihe, ubitegure, kandi wihangane cyane.

(6) Niba udakunda abana —cyangwa udakunda abana be, gushakana na we bizakubihiriza ubuzima

Niba udakunda abana (cyangwa udakunda abana ba mugenzi wawe), uramenye ntuzashakane nawe. Bisaba kuba ukunda abana, ariko cyane cyane ukunda abana be,kugira ngo umushake. Niba umukunda ariko udakunda umwana we cyangwa abana be,inama nziza bivemo.

Ikindi kibazo hari abantu badakunda abana cyane cyane abo batibyariye.Niba umwana w’undi udashobora kumufata nk’uwawe,byaba byiza muhagaritse umushinga wo kubana.

Muri make,hari ibintu bidahatirizwa: niba udakunda abana ntugashakane n’umugore cyangwa n’umugabo ufite abana.Keretse igihe abana bose baba barakuze, badakeneye kuza mu buzima bwanyu mwembi.

Iyi si,

Mwalimu HAKIZIMANA Maurice II Kunkurikira kuri WhatsApp  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II  Kunkurikira kuri page facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/