Yanditswe na HAKIZIMANA Maurice

Mu bisanzwe bivugwa ko mu myaka 20-29,tubona urukundo ruri hose, kandi ko mu myaka 40-49, twibaza aho rwa rukundo twabonaga hose rwagiye. Ariko ikibazo tugiye kuganiraho ni ikindi: Ni mu yihe myaka biba bigoye cyane kubona umuntu muzakundana mukubakana bya nyabyo? Iki kibazo, benshi muri twe tukibaza cyane cyane uko imyaka ishira indi igataha ariko tukabona nta muntu udukwiriye uri kuboneka ngo tumuhate urukundo. Mu gihe tuba tuganira uko biba byifashe muri buri cyiciro cy’imyaka, turareba impamvu hari imyaka imwe mu buzima usanga biba byoroshye kurusha indi mu kubona urukundo. Dutangire? Twagiye.

II Kunkurikira kuri WhatsApp  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II  Kunkurikira kuri page facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/

Mu kigero cy’imyaka 20-29 ?

Imyaka ibarirwa muri makumyabiri (mirongo ibiri n’imisago) ifatwa nk’igihe cyo kugerageza, kuvumbura, no gusogongera ku cyitwa urukundo rwa mbere. Ariko, kubona urukundo nyarwo kuri iyi myaka ntabwo buri gihe biba byoroshye. Imwe mu mbogamizi nyamukuru ni ugushakisha uwo umuntu aba ari we by’ukuri. Ku myaka 20 na, tuba tugikomeza kwivumbura, kwishakisha,dushaka kumenya abo turibo n’icyo dushaka mu buzima. Uku kuba umuntu ukiri kwishakisha anashakisha ibisubizo bishobora gutuma bigorana kubona urukundo nyarukundo kandi rukomeye.

Nk’urugero,

Laura, ufite imyaka 24, agira ati: Ntabwo nzi icyo nshaka gukora mu buzima bwanjye mu kazi gasanzwe, none se ni gute nshobora kumenya icyo nshaka mu rukundo?

Uku gushidikanya gushobora kuganisha ku mibanire idahwitse ya huti huti. Iyindi mbogamizi yo muri iyo myaka 20 ni ibyifuzo biba bisa nk’inzozi,bidashoboka. Bitewe na za firime z’urukundo, ibiganiro bya TV, n’imbuga nkoranyambaga, abakobwa benshi bakiri bato baba bafite ibitekerezo byihariye (kandi akenshi bidashoboka) by’inzozi byerekana urukundo baba bifuza,umusore wo mu nzozi, cyangwa urwego baba bashaka.Inzozi gusa gusa.

Sarah ufite imyaka 22, agira ati:

“Nari niteze ko nzabona umu tipe twakundaga muri kaminuza, nko muri za filimi. Ariko mu by’ukuri, urukundo nako ibyitwa urukundo muri muri iyo myaka usanga bitoroshye kandi ari iby’igihe gito.”

Iyo ibyari byitezwe bidashobotse bishobora kugutera gutenguhwa no gucika intege. Hanyuma, ibirangaza byo mu myaka makumyabiri bishobora kurushaho gutuma utabona umwanya wo gukundana bya nyabyo. Hagati y’ishuri, gutangira umwuga (akazi), no guha ubuzima icyerekezo, akenshi bituma kubona umwanya n’imbaraga zo gushora mu byo gukundana ibi bifatika bigorana.

Emma, ​​ufite imyaka 21, agira ati:

“Ndahuze cyane mu myigire yanjye n’incuti zanjye ku buryo nta mwanya mfite wo gutekereza ku by’urukundo no gushaka cyane.”

Ibyo birangaza byo mu buto bishobora kukuvana mu byo gushakisha urukundo, n’ubwo waba ari byo wifuza.

Mu kigero cy’imyaka 30-39 ?

Mu kigero cy’imyaka mirongo itatu gikunze gufatwa nk’igihe cyiza cyo gushaka urukundo no gushinga urugo. Ariko, iki gihe cy’ubuzima nacyo kirangwa n’ibibazo byihariye. Kimwe mu by’ingenzi ni igitutu cya sosiyete tubamo. Ku myaka 30, abagore benshi bashyirwaho igitutu cyinshi cyo gushaka no kubyara.

Claire, ufite imyaka 31, agira ati: “Incuti zanjye zose zirashyingirwa kandi zikabyara abana.

Iki gitutu cya Sosiyete tubamo gishobora kuganisha ku gushaka huti huti no kwishora mu ngirwarukundo idahwitse.

Iyindi mbogamizi yo kuba mu kigero cy’imyaka isaga mirongo itatu ni ubunararibonye. Muri iki kigero, abagore benshi baba baramaze kunyura mu rukundo rukomeye, barakunze bagakundwa ivumbi rigatumuka, baribatse bagasenya, bagatana, ndetse rimwe na rimwe bagapfusha. Ibi bintu uba waraciyemwo bishobora guhindura uburyo ubona ibyo gukunda gukundwa no kongera gukunda no gukundwa.Hazamo n’ihungabana mu rukundo n’urushako. Ntawe utinya ishyamba atinya icyo yahuriyemwo naryo.

Sophie w’imyaka 33 agira ati:

“Nyuma yo gutandukana mfite imyaka 28, natinye gusubira mu by’inkundo.“ Numvaga ko ibyo gukunda no gukundwa byose byarangiye.

Uyu mutwaro w’amarangamutima ushobora gutuma bigorana kongera gufungura amarembo y’urukundo rushya. Ikindi kubura umwanya ni ikibazo gikomeye ku bantu bafite imyaka mirongo itatu n’imisago. Hagati y’inshingano z’akazi, inshingano z’umuryango, no gucunga ubuzima bwa buri munsi, akenshi biragoye kubona umwanya n’imbaraga zo gushora mu rukundo.

Laura w’imyaka 35 agira ati: “Nkora amasaha yose kandi nkita ku babyeyi bageze mu zabukuru.” Ntabwo mfite umwanya wo guhura n’umuntu uwo ari we wese. “

Uku kubura umwanya bishobora kugabanya amahirwe yo gukundana kandi bikagorana kubona urukundo.

Mu kigero cy’imyaka 40-49 ?

Mirongo ine n’imisago ikunze gufatwa nk’igihe cy’ingenzi mu gushakisha urukundo. Muri iki kigero, ibibazo biba ari uruhuri,bigoye kandi byimbitse cyane (biremereye). Kimwe mu by’ingenzi ni uko isoko ryo gukundana riba riri kuremura. Ku myaka 40 kuzamura, abagore benshi usanga bagwiriye ku isoko ry’urukundo ariko abakiliya (abagabo) ari mbarwa n’ababoneka ugasanga ntibaba bashobotse.

Marie w’imyaka 42 asobanura ati: “Biragoye guhura n’umuntu muri iyo myaka.“ Abantu benshi basanzwe baba baramaze kurushinga cyangwa bafite abana. Kubona umuntu ni nka tombola. ”

Uku kubura amahitamo bishobora gutuma bigorana kubona urukundo rukomeye.

Indi mbogamizi y’ubuzima bwo muri iyo myaka yo hagati ni imitwaro y’amarangamutima. Muri iki kigero, abagore benshi baba barahawe gatanya cyangwa ari bo bayisabye, abandi baba barahungabanyijwe no gutana cyangwa gutakaza urukundo.

Sarah w’imyaka 45 agira ati: “Nyuma yo gutandukana kwanjye n’uwo twabanaga, natinye gusubira mu by’inkundo ashwi ashwi sinishoboreye.Numva ntazigera nongera kwizera undi muntu.“

Iyi mitwaro y’amarangamutima ishobora gutuma bigorana kubona urukundo.

Hanyuma, muri iyi myaka ihindagurika mu mubiri ku ruhu no mu marangamutima bishobora kugira ingaruka ku cyizere wigirira no kubona ko ukiri mwiza.Akenshi wireba mu ndorerwamo ukiyanga. Gusaza biba bitangiye gukomanga.

Emma ufite imyaka 44, agira ati: “Ku myaka 40 n’imisago, ntabwo numva nkiri mwiza kandi nifuzwa nk’uko nari meze nkiri mu myaka 30.”

Mu kigero cy’imyaka 50 n’imisago ?

Ku myaka mirongo itanu n’imisago ni ikigero gikunze gufatwa nk’imyaka igoye, igoye cyane kubona urukundo.  Nyamara ahubwo, iki gihe cy’ubuzima nacyo gishobora kuba gikungahaye ku mahirwe no kuvumbura ibintu bishya. Imwe mu mbogamizi nyamukuru ni iyi myumvire yo muri iyi myaka: ku myaka 50 no hejuru yayo, abagore benshi bumva baba bugarijwe n’igitutu cy’imibereho na sosiyete tubamo, igitutu kiba kibasaba ngo “bakore kandi bitware mu buryo buhwanye n’imyaka yabo” bityo barekere iby’urukundo n’imibonano mpuzabitsina abakiri bato.Batangira kwitwa ba “mukecuru“.

Claire w’imyaka 52 asobanura agira ati: “Nkunze kubwirwa ko nshaje cyane ku buryo ntashobora gushaka urukundo, ko ngomba kunyurwa no kuba njyenyine.”

Iyi myumvire ya sosiyete ishobora guca intege no kugabanya amahirwe yo gukundana ku bari mu kigero cyimyaka 50-59.

Indi mbogamizi yo muri iyo myaka ni irungu. Muri iyi myaka, abagore benshi usanga baba bonyine mu bwigunge nyuma yo gutandukana, ubupfakazi, cyangwa gutana. Uku kwigunga bishobora gutuma bigorana kubona urukundo, cyane cyane niba udafite amatsinda ubamo arikumara cyangwa udahabwa ubufasha n’incuti n’umuryango.

Sophie w’imyaka 55 agira ati: “Nyuma yo gutana, nisanze ndi jyenyine. Sinari nzi cyangwa nshoboye guhura n’abantu bashya.“

Uku kwigunga gushobora kugabanya amahirwe yo gukundana kandi bikagorana kubona urukundo. Hanyuma, ibyifuzo bitandukanye kuri iyi myaka bishobora gutuma kubona urukundo bigorana. Ku myaka 50-59,urukundo rwa mbere n’ibiba byitezwe mu buzima birahinduka cyane.

Marie w’imyaka 58 agira ati:

“Sinkiri gushaka urukundo rukomeye rwa nyarwo nshishikaye nka kera.“ Uwo nshaka ni umuntu tuzasangira ubuzima bwanjye nsigaje kubaho, umuntu uhamye kandi wizewe. ”

Ibi byifuzo byo mu myaka y’abakuze bitandukanye cyane n’ibyo mu yindi myaka kandi bishobora gutuma bigorana kubona umuntu mwahuza.

Hari icyo abashakashatsi babivuzeho?  

Nk’uko ubushakashatsi bwasohotse mu kinyamakuru cyitwa Marriage and Family bubitangaza, umubare w’ubuseribateri urushaho kwiyongera uko imyaka igenda ishira, cyane cyane mu bagore.

Nk’urugero, ubushakashatsi bwakorewe muri Amerika bwerekanye ko 30% by’abagore bafite hagati y’imyaka 40 na 49 ari ingaragu, ugereranije na 20% by’abagore bafite hagati yimyaka 20 na 29.

Iyi mibare ariko si ihame mu isi hose. Mu mico imwe n’imwe, abagore bashishikarizwa kurongorwa bakiri bato, mu gihe mu bindi bihugu,barongorwa bamaze gukura cyangwa ugasanga bibera ba rumarinkwi ku idembe ntawe ubavuzaho induru.

Imbuga nyinshi n'ibinyamakuru byatangaje  ubushakashatsi buvuga ko abagore batashatse, batabyaye biberahi ubuzima bwabo ari ryo tsinda ryishimye cyane kurusha abandi bose mu baturage. Ifoto: screenshot - Le féminin 

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe muri 2020 bwerekana ko 40% by’abashakanye ubu bahurira kuri interineti, ugereranije na 20% mu myaka icumi ishize.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe muri 2021 bwerekanye ko 25% by’abakoresha imbuga zihuza abakundana ari abarengeje imyaka 50.

Dusoze: Ni mu yihe myaka biba bigoye cyane kubona umuntu muzakundana mukubakana bya nyabyo?

Nyuma yo gucukumbura ibibazo n’ingorane biba muri buri cyiciro cy’ubuzima, biragaragara ko iyo wamaze kugera mu myaka 40 , ari cyo gihe gikomeye biba bigoye kubona urukundo rw’ubuzima bwawe.

Dore impamvu:

• Isoko ryo gukundana riba ryatangiye kuremura: Mu gihe cy’imyaka 40, abantu benshi baba bari mu rukundo rwabo,barubatse, barabyaye, cyangwa se aba nyuma,barambagizwa. Ni imyaka y’imitwaro y’amarangamutima: Muri iki kigero, ibyakubayeho kera (gutandukana, gutana, kubura ababo) bishobora gusiga inkovu z’amarangamutima bigatuma gufungurira urukundo rushya bigorana. Gutinya kongera guhura n’ibyo wahuye nabyo, kunanirwa cyangwa gutinya kongera kubabazwa bishobora kubangamira kongera kugerageza amahirwe.
• Guhinduka ku mubiri no mu marangamutima: Kutiyizera bishobora guterwa n’impinduka zijyanye n’imyaka, nk’impinduka z’umubiri(gutakaza itoto) cyangwa imyumvire y’ukuntu umuntu akunda. Ibi bishobora gutuma kongera gukundana bigutera ubwoba.
• Ibyo umuntu aba ashaka biba bitandukanye: Ku myaka 40 n’imisago, ibyo umuntu aba ashaka mu rukundo birahinduka. Benshi baba bashaka umuntu uzamukunda by’ukuri, umuntu uhamye, ariko usanga abagabo bahari bagushaka baba badafashije mudasangiye intego cyangwa mudahuje na mba indangagaciro.

Kuki mu yindi myaka biba bitagoranye cyane nko mu myaka 40-49 ?

• Ni uko mu myaka 20-29 : Nubwo iyi myaka irangwa no gushidikanya no gutegereza ibidashoboka,bisa nk’inzozi, ariko iracyari igihe cyo kuvumbura n’igihe cy’amahirwe. Hari byinshi byo kwiga,gukoramo amakosa menshi, n’amahirwe yo kurambagizwa muri iyi myaka y’itoto n’ubwiza.
• Ni uko kandi mu myaka 30-39 : Nubwo igitutu cya sosiyete no kubura umwanya biza imbere, ariko iyi myaka ikunze gufatwa nk’igihe cyiza cyo kubona urukundo. Abantu benshi baba bagifite amarangamutima kandi bakunda by’ukuri, ibyo bikaba bituma biba byoroshye kubona urukundo rukomeye.
• Ku myaka 50 kuzamura : Nubwo imyumvire no kwigunga ishobora gutera ibibazo, iyi myaka akenshi itanga ibisobanuro ku byo umuntu ashakisha mu by’ukuri. Ntacyo umuntu aba agitinya.

Nasoza ngira nti ariko ibi ntibibace intege cyane. Urukundo uwo rushatse ruramusanga, igihe cyose aho ayaba ari hose. Kuri wose se, ni mu yihe myaka biba bigoye cyane kubona umuntu muzakundana mukubakana bya nyabyo?

– Isomo rirarangiye

Iyi si

Mwalimu HAKIZIMANA Maurice II Kunkurikira kuri WhatsApp  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II  Kunkurikira kuri page facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/