Ishyingiranwa riragoye cyane -nyuma y’ibihe by’uburyohe,rambya uhangane n’ukuri utari witeguye!

Umwanditsi: HAKIZIMANA Maurice

URUSHAKO ni rwiza iyo ururebeye kure utarurimo, cyangwa iyo ukirwinjiramo,urukundo n’umunezero bigitemba nk’amata nk’ubuki. Ariko burya “akaryoshye ntikaguma mu itama”,hari ibyiciro by’urushako ugeramo ugasanga burya atari ubuki nk’uko wabyibwiraga,kandi se ni bangahe baba bariteguye cyangwa barateguriwe kuzahangana n’ibihe bibi by’urushako? Ese wari uzi ko ahubwo ibihe bibi ari byo kuri kw’ishyingiranwa? Ni bwo buzima. Iyo wabyiteguye, ushobora gukomeza urugo rwawe aho kwihutira gusenya, byaba na ngombwa gusenya bikaba bitaguturutseho.Ishyingiranwa riragoye cyane -nyuma y’ibihe by’uburyohe,rambya uhangane n’ukuri utari witeguye!

 II Kunkurikira kuri Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2 II Kunkurikira kuri facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/. 

Dore ibintu bitanu bigoye cyane mu rushako batakubwiye:

1. Kuguca inyuma

Iyo utarashaka, ukiri isugi cyangwa imanzi, biroroshye kwirinda ubusambanyi kuko uba utazi utaranasogongera ku mibonano mpuzabitsina. Nyamara ariko iyo wamaze kurongorwa cyangwa kurongora, biroroshye cyane guca inyuma uwo mwashakanye igihe akwimye,cyangwa hari impamvu zituma umara iminsi myinshi mutabonana cyangwa mu bihe mufitanye amakimbirane. Byorohera ingaragu kwirinda ubusambanyi kurusha abantu bashatse.

Impamvu ni uko uba waramaze gusogongera ku buryohe bw’imibonano. Kugwa ugaca inyuma uwo mwashakanye biroroha cyane iyo incuti zawe, zanyu, z’umuryango n’abantu muhorana nabo batifata. Muri iyi si,iyo wimye uwo mwashakanye ugurumanishwa n’iruba ntabura abandi bamuha nabo ngo bacubye iruba ryabo. Muri iki gihe,muri iyi si ya none,imibonano mpuzabitsina ntikiri “ibishitani” nka kera. Abantu bayikora batanayipanze, batanatakaje imbaraga,umwanya cyangwa amafaranga nka mbere. Rwose bisigaye bigoye abashakanye gukomeza kuberana indahemuka.

Ku bantu bagira irari ryinshi, nababwira ko ishyingiranwa ritamara irari ry’ibitsina ahubwo riryongera. Niba utagira umuco wo kumenya kwifata ubu, urushako ntiruzatuma udaca inyuma uwo mwashakanye. Uko ni ukuri kw’impamo.

2. Ibibazo byo gutera akabariro

Urabona? Rwose ni ngombwa gukomeza kuba isugi n’imanzi kugeza igihe uzashakira uwawe – gukomeza kuba indakemwa mu bitekerezo, mu bikorwa no mu magambo kugeza ku munsi w’ubukwe nta ko bisa. Abashaka ko muryamana mbere yo gushaka baba bakwangiriza ishyingiranwa ryawe utaranaritangiza. Kimwe mu bisenya ingo batajya bavuga beruye, ni ibibazo byo gutera akabariro.

Iyo umwe yamaze kwangirika kuri iyo ngingo, cyangwa mvuge nti iyo ari umukinnyi mpuzamahanga mu mibonano mpuzabitsina cyangwa ari umuntu uhorana ubushake budakama bwayo, mu gihe undi ari isugi cyangwa imanzi ari bwo atangiye kumenya icyo imibonano mpuzabitsina ari cyo, bitangiza ibibazo batanashobora kuvuganaho beruye. Umwe arabihirwa cyangwa bombi, kandi amaherezo biganisha mu kwikinisha ngo irari rishire kuko undi aba atabasha kurirangiza, cyangwa bikaganisha mu kurimarwa n’undi wo hanze ubishoboye,gutyo gutyo.

Kugira amasonisoni yo kubaza mugenzi wawe ibyo yifuza ko mukora ngo mwembi muryoherwe kandi munezerwe ni kimwe mu bibazo byasenye ingo nyinshi bucece.

3. Ibibazo by’amafaranga

Amafaranga ni meza, asubiza ibibazo byose. Ariko jye nongeraho ko anasenya ibintu byinshi. Asenya umuryango. Amafaranga aryoshya urugo ariko amafaranga aranarusenya. Uti gute?

• Ubona ute amafaranga?
• Ese uyafata nk’indyoshyandyo cyangwa uyafata nk’ibiryo?
• Ese washobora kubaho ubanye neza n’uwo mashakanye mudashwaniye amafaranga?
• Nk’umugore washatse, ese nawe ugira ya myumvire ivuga ngo “amafaranga yanjye ni ayanjye ubwanjye” cyangwa utekereza neza uti “amafaranga yanjye ni ay’urugo rwacu”?
• Mugabo, ese urakora ukazana amafaranga mu rugo,ugatunga urugo, cyangwa uri muri bamwe bavuga ngo “Niba umugore wanjye akora ubwo tuzatungwa n’amafaranga ye ayanjye ni ayo kunywera”?

Ibyo bibazo hamwe n’ibindi ni ibyagufasha kurebera hamwe n’uwo mwashakanye uko amafaranga yanyu atabatanya ahubwo yabafasha kubaka urugo. Bitabaye ibyo,amafaranga yaba intandaro yo gusenya.

4. Iyo inzozi zawe zitabaye impamo

• Wamukunze ari umukobwa mwiza mwiza unanutse w’urubavu ruto kandi wahoraga umubona muri iyo shusho kugeza musazanye,none ataranamara kabiri ahise abyibuha aba mu ishusho utatekerezaga, urabigira ute?
• Washakanye n’umusore mwiza, ukubonera umwanya igihe cyose umushakiye, kandi uhorana akanyamuneza none nyuma yo gushakana, ahora ahuze ashaka inoti cyangwa akorera kure agataha gusa mu mpera z’icyumweru, n’iyo atashye aza ananiwe atamwenyura bihagije nka mbere ukimukunda mugishakana kandi ari byo wamukundiye. Urabyitwaramo gute?

Izi ni ingero nke gusa muri nyinshi zishoboka. Byanze bikunze,uwo mwashakanye azahinduka wumirwe. Nyuma y’ibihe by’uburyohe,rambya uhangane n’ukuri utari witeguye! Ikibazo ni: uzabyitwaramo ute?

Inama nziza naguha niba utarashaka cyangwa niba ushatse vuba: icara wibaze ibintu byose bibi wanga biramutse bibaye k’uwo mwashakanye, n’icyo wakora uko wabyitwaramo maze ubyitegure mu bitekerezo. Nibitaba uzaba ugize amahirwe ariko nibiba nibura uzaba warabitekereje mbere ntibizaguhungabanya.No mu gihe cy’impeshyi, umunyabwenge ntata umutaka kuko imvura ishobora gutungurana. Va mu nzozi uhangane n’ubuzima,ubwitegure bihagije.

5. Iyo washakanye n’umuntu mudahuje

Hari ubwo ugira utya ugashakana n’umuntu mudahuje na mba, mbese wowe uri uburasirazuba we ari uburengerazuba. Iyi nayo ni impamvu yo kubihirwa mu rushako byarimba rukanasenyuka. Abenshi iyo bamaze gusanga barihambiriyeho umuntu badahuje na mba, bakunze gusenya.

None niba warashakanye n’umuntu udashishikaza n’ibigushishikaza, ukunda ibyo wanga,akanga ibyo ukunda,uzabigenza ute? Ingero:

• Niba warashatse umugore uzi ko agira isuku ugasanga ni umunyamwanda?
• Niba warashatse umugabo udakunda filimi, gutembera, koga, igare, resitora, guhoberana, gusomana, kandi ari byo wikundira gusa gusa, uzabyitwaramo gute?
• Niba uwo mwashakanye adakunda kurimba, kwambara neza, no kwita ku misatsi ye?
• Niba uwo mwashakanya arya yasamye,arya cyane,avugana ibiryo mu kanwa, atagira imvugo z’ikinyabupfura avugana ihanjagari kandi ibyo bintu ubyanga urunuka kuva mu bwana bwawe?
• Niba warashakanye n’umuntu udakunda gusoma ibitabo, kureba amakuru,kuvuga igifaransa (cyangwa icyongereza) kandi wifuza ko abana banyu bakivuga, n’ibindi,uzabyitwaramo gute?
• Niba warashatse umuntu utazi guhaha,guteka no gutegura ameza nk’uko ubishaka?
• Niba warashakanye n’umuntu urya ibyo utarya kandi utita ku byo urya cyangwa unywa?
• Niba warashakanye n’umuntu urya ibikonje wowe ushaka ibishyushye?

Inama yanjye ni iyi: Mwigishe ibyo ukunda,mubwire ibyo wanga kandi buri wese akorere undi ibimunezeza. Niba nyuma y’imyaka myinshi mumaranye byaramunaniye guhinduka,kora ibikunezeza. Ishakire umunezero bitabaye ngombwa gusenya burundu. Aha niho urugo rubihira cyangwa rukaryohera.

Ishyingiranwa ni irya babiri kandi mu mico yacu tubana n’umuntu umwe akaramata. Iyo rero utishimye, uba ushobora kuzarinda upfa utishimye na mba. Abashakanye benshi bakomeza kubana byo kwihanganirana gusa,buri wese ategereje ko urupfu rubatandukanya usigaye akaruhuka ugiye nawe akava kuri uwo musonga w’iteka ryose.

Rwose niba byaranze burundu ko mugenzi wawe ahinduka,dore ko binagoye guhindura umuntu wavukiye agakurira kandi akarererwa mu wundi muryango, jya ukora ibigushimisha: gusoma ibitabo ukunda, kujya gutemberera ahantu ukunda uri wenyine niba mugenzi wawe atabyitayeho, kujya muri resitora ukunda, cyangwa gusura abantu ukunda. Birumvikana ko ibindi utabasha kugira icyo ukoraho uzabireka ukabyihanganira ubuziraherezo. Aha ni ho urushako rubera ka kanseri y’ibere cyangwa y’urundi rugingo: rurakurya kugeza igihe urwo rugingo rukatiwe rukajugunywa. Kandi na nyuma yaho, ntiwongera kumera uko wari umeze mbere. Ese witeguye guhangana n’ingorane z’ishyingiranwa?

"(...) Icyakora warongora nta cyaha waba ukoze. N’umwari yashyingirwa nta cyaha yaba akoze. Ariko abameze batyo bazagira imibabaro mu mubiri, ku bwanjye nakunda kuyibakiza."- Bibiliya,mu 1 Abakorinto 7:28

Nanone hazavuka ibibazo utari witeze bizongera iyo mibabaro: gutinda gusama no kubyara, gusama inda mutateganyije no kubyara abo mutiteguriye hamwe,ubugumba bwa burundu, gutakaza akazi no gukena, kwimuka, ibibazo mu miryango muvukamo,ibibazo mu madini yanyu; n’ibindi n’ibindi.

Naba nkubeshye nkubwiye ko gushaka ari byiza gusa gusa, singutera ubwoba, uzigeragereze urebe niba utarashaka: rwose ishyingiranwa riragoye cyane -nyuma y’ibihe by’uburyohe,rambya uhangane n’ukuri kwaryo. Kubona umuntu muzashimishanya akaramata biragoye cyane kurusha uko ubyibwira, ariko kwihanganira uwo mwashingiranywe byo bikaba ibindi bindi. Iyo ubishoboye, kandi ugakomeza kwimishira urugo rwawe, n’igihugu wakiyobora.

Iyi si,

HAKIZIMANA Maurice IIKunkurikira kuri Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2 II Kunkurikira kuri facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/.