Nubwo bishobora gutera ubwoba gutekereza undi muntu utari umukunzi wawe cyangwa uwo mwashakanye mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, mu by’ukuri ntabwo ari ibintu bidasanzwe. Bibaho kenshi.Mu buzima bwo mu byiyumvo, habaho ibyitwa gutakaza icyifuzo (appetit) kwifuza ibishya … Inzobere mu mibonano mpuzabitsina Alexandra Hubin aherutse gutanga ibisobanuro bishobora gutanga umucyo ku byihishe inyuma y’ibi.
Ese wowe wigeze gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’uwo mwashakanye (cyangwa umukunzi wawe) urimo gutekereza undi muntu? Ntuhagarike umutima, ibi ntabwo ari ibintu bidasanzwe, cyangwa ikimenyetso cy’uko wamaze kuzinukwa umukunzi wawe usanganywe. Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe muri 2011 na Harris Interactive bwasohotse mu kinyamakuru Marianne bugaragaza ko 53% by’Abafaransa bemeye ko bigeze kujya batekereza undi muntu mu gihe baro gutera akabariro n’abo bashakanye. Abagera kuri 3% muri bo bavuze ko ibi byababayeho kenshi, 20% rimwe na rimwe na 27% gake cyane.
Muri Femme Actuelle, Alexandra Hubin, inzobere mu mibonano mpuzabitsina akaba ari na we washinze SexoPositive, yasobanuye icyaba cyihishe inyuma y’iki kibazo ndetse n’uburyo utakireka ngo cyangize ubuzima bwanyu bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Yizeza ati:
Ahubwo ikintu cy’ingenzi, nk’uko abivuga, ni ukwibaza impamvu bitekerezo byawe biri ahandi ku wundi muntu neza neza mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umukunzi wawe,igihe ubundi kiba cyihariye cyane ku mibiri yombi.
Ese ni ibintu bihangayikishije ?
Niki gishobora gusobanura impamvu umugabo cyangwa umugore ahita atekereza undi muntu ari mu gikorwa cy’urukundo mu busaswa cyangwa ahandi? Inzobere mu mibonano mpuzabitsina zitanga inama igira iti: “Akenshi gutekereza undi muntu wagutwaye uruhu n’uruhande usanga ari ibirungo byoroheje gusa kandi biryoshya iyi mibonano ako kanya,muri make ni nko gutumira undi muntu mu busaswa ngo afashe umwe kuryoherwa mu gihe nta bushake (appetit) afitiye uwo babikorana; ni uguhamagara ibitekerezo bimwe, kugirango byongere urwego rwo kwishima gato”. Ni nka kwa kundi urya ibiryo utishimiye ariko udashaka kubigaragaraza,ukabihata urusenda ubundi ukabirya koko. Alexandra Hubin yongeyeho ati: “Ntabwo bikomeye, ukuri n‘ibitekerezo ni ibintu bibiri bitandukanye cyane”.
Alexandra Hubin, Inzobere mu mibonano mpuzabitsina yo mu Bubiligi
Ariko nk’uko impuguke ibivuga, nyamara hari ibintu bibiri ugomba kwitondera: incuro bikubaho n’uwo muntu ibyo bitekerezo bikwerekezaho. Asobanura agira ati: “Niba ari ibintu byoroheje,bisanzwe, bitashinze imizi cyane,bishobora guhisha icyo cyuho, nta perereza ryagufata.” Ariko nanone, impuguke yongeraho ko bimaze igihe kandi bigashinga imizi,bishobora kuba impamvu yo kugena igihe cyo kubiganiraho byimbitse n’umukunzi wawe,kandi ugakora ku buryo bitagera kure kubi. Alexandra Hubin atanga urugero rw’umukiliya we wishyizemo Brad Pitt nyuma yo kureba film Rencontre avec Joe Black akajya amutekereza igihe cyose ari gutera akabariro na mugenzi we. Byageze kure,amaherezo amaze kwibaza ku mibanire ye na mugenzi we, yamenye ko “nta mikino yari ikirimo yo gukwega cyangwa guhora akurura ishusho y’uwo muntu atazi,abona ko ibyo bintu bishobora kuzamusenyera “.Amaze kwiyemeza, we ubwe yaje kuganira birambuye na mugenzi we kandi amufasha kwisibamo iyo shusho.
Bishobora gukira?
Naho se umuntu wabaye muri ibyo bitekerezo bikagera kure,bishobora gukira? Alexandra Hubin agira ati: “Reka tuvuge ko uwo muntu ujya wishyiramo ukamutekereza ugakurura ishusho ye uri mu gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umugabo wawe cyangwa umugore wawe ari umuntu wa hafi yawe cyane, wenda nk’umukozi mukorana mu kazi,muhorana. Biragaragara ko muri ako kanya, uba wishyize mu kaga gakomeye cyane, kubera ko ibyo bitekerezo byitwa ko bikongerera gusa imbaraga mu gikorwa nyirizina, bishobora guhinduka ibindi bindi, maze rya rari ry’inzozi rikazahinduka impamo umunsi umwe ”.
Gutekereza ku bantu benshi cyangwa bake cyane ariko ba hafi yawe cyane mu gihe cy’imibonano n’umukunzi wawe bishobora rero kuba ibimenyetso byerekana ko umubano wanyu urwaye, ucumbagira cyangwa ko urukundo rwanyu ruri mu manegeka. Nk’uko ya mpuguke ibivuga, kuri urwo rwego “amarangamutima aba yararwaye cyane ku buryo biba bigoye ko yagaruka inyuma,ku murongo ”.
Kugira ngo ibiri mu mutwe wawe bitabangamira umubano wawe, Alexandra Hubin akugira iyi nama “Kugumisha hamwe ibirenge byawe ndetse n’umutima wewe ukawushimangiza mu rukundo rwawe nyarwo, ukabaza ibibazo byose ufite kandi mukabiganiraho.” Ni wo muti wonyine wabikiza. Fata ibyo bitekerezo (byo gutekereza undi muntu uri mu mibonano mpuzabitsina n’umukunzi wawe) nk’ibirungo cyangwa umunyu: “Kongera akuyu gake mu biryo ni byiza, bitanga uburyohe buke, ariko ku rundi ruhande iyo wongeyeho mwinshi, biba ibindi bindi, byangiza uburyohe bwose. ”
Uko jye ubwanjye mbibona
Igihe nasomaga iyi ngingo nahise ntekereza umurongo w’ibyanditswe mu gitabo cya kera cyane ariko kigihuje n’igihe, Bibiliya. Uyu murongo utanga umuti.
"Nuko bene Data, ndabinginga ku bw’imbabazi z’Imana ngo mutange imibiri yanyu, ibe ibitambo bizima byera bishimwa n’Imana, ari ko kuyikorera kwanyu gukwiriye.Kandi ntimwishushanye n’ab’iki gihe, ahubwo muhinduke rwose mugize imitima mishya, kugira ngo mumenye neza ibyo Imana ishaka, ari byo byiza bishimwa kandi bitunganye rwose".-Abaroma 12:1-2
Iyi si,
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