INSPIRATIONAL STORIES AND TESTIMONIES

The End of Intrusions

December 21, 2024
professormaurice
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Article written by Dr Patrick Habamenshi

As I work on understanding the construct of my mind—deconstructing and letting go of toxic and harmful knowledge and beliefs—I realized that the hardest ones to let go of were those instilled by religion. Presented as divine truths, the interdiction to even attempt to question them is one of the steepest psychological walls one has to ever climb.

IITo follow Dr. Patrick Habamenshi’s blog, please subscribe to his page: Um’Khonde Patrick HabamenshiIIII

It is crippling to know that you must abandon certain beliefs that have guided your entire life but no longer resonate with you yet you cling to them because they are deeply woven into your identity. What’s more, these beliefs were presented as the moral guarantors of a meaningful and purposeful life.

When we finally decide to let go of them, we are preprogrammed to feel like it’s a betrayal of a our sacred contract with God. This is one of religion’s greatest triumphs: convincing “believers” that questioning the teachings of the church is equivalent to questioning God, and making them feel guilty when they still dare to do so. Words like “heresy” and “blasphemy,” paired with an irrational terror of damnation, are subtly implanted in our minds from childhood, conditioning us to repress our curiosity and suppress our questions, fearing they signify spiritual rebellion or transgression.

Like many, I long regarded religion as the sacred cornerstone of my life and I dreaded that stepping away would be an irreparable mistake, punished by divine abandonment. This purely psychological dilemma, combined with the apprehension over the moral implications of this decision, made my resolve to break this bond even more difficult to realize.

Added to this is the way religion intertwines with our closest relationships—family, friends, community. Stepping away from the church often means risking the loss of people whose ties to religion are stronger than their ties to us. The fear of rejection, isolation, or misunderstanding, of facing moral pressure or even emotional blackmail, compounds with the fear of damnation. Together, these forces can hold us back for years or prevent us from ever fully breaking away from a spirituality imposed at birth.

There comes a point when the weight of unanswered questions and the emptiness of repeated slogans, offered as solace in times of distress, become intolerable. The greatest contradiction lies in the demand to accept “truth” without question, even when it is cloaked in unverifiable stories and rigid dogmas. Shouldn’t truth, by its very nature, liberate our minds rather than confine them in doubt or suppress our pursuit of deeper understanding? Equally troubling is the notion of a Love of God that demands prioritizing religion over oneself and one’s origins, fostering such profound self-hatred that one feels perpetually out of place—except within the walls of the very same church that alienated you from your own culture.

Another aspect of religion that has always troubled me is the way it is often taught to subtly condition us into becoming selfish and self-centered under the guise of gratitude and faith. For instance, when we survive a mass tragedy that claims the lives of countless others, we are encouraged to interpret our survival as a sign of divine favor—God supposedly “chose” us—while suppressing the uncomfortable questions about those who perished. This narrative pushes us to silence the inner voice that asks, What about them? Why weren’t they chosen too?

To soothe these questions and lessen our survivor’s guilt, we take refuge in doctrines that present suffering as part of God’s plan to strengthen us or teach us life lessons, reassuring us that we will never carry a burden beyond our capacity. But beneath the surface, tormenting questions persist, despite our efforts to suppress them: Where do incomprehensible horrors like genocide or violence against children fit into this divine plan? Or the Church partaking in or condoning crimes against humanity throughout its history or conveniently remaining silent when it comes to crimes committed by the clergy? What lessons could ever be cruelly taught through such abominations? Are our shoulders truly capable of bearing the weight of such atrocities, or are we crushed under their load, our steps faltering and our sense of direction forever shattered by these inhumane experiences?

This moral conflict between gratitude for having survived and the extraordinary efforts we make to accept that our losses are a manifestation of God’s will skews our inner compass and leaves us in a state of perpetual ambivalence toward injustice. And we find ourselves repeating the same slogans to every survivor of tragedy while turning a deaf ear to the existential questions raised by all the atrocities we witness around the world.

Instead of equipping us to confront injustice and address suffering, faith becomes an escape—a way to dismiss any dissonance that might challenge the image of an omniscient God as depicted by religion.

Just as physical agility and intellectual maturity develop over time, spiritual maturity begins when we find the courage to construct our own beliefs—or to let them emerge—rather than clinging to “truths” we know we can never fully embrace. Inevitably, we stumble along the way and get hurt. But these trials are a small price to pay if we want to put an end to the constraints that suffocate our spirit and reach a mental space where all questions are allowed, with no other consequence than that of freeing ourselves from the cruelty of a life spent wondering what the answers could have been.

Letting go of limiting beliefs—including my religious beliefs—has taken nothing away from my loved ones or the church, even though many have chosen to treat my faith as a privileged object of their personal grievances. When I made the decision to leave, I had reached a point in my life where my mental well-being demanded that I silence all external and internal voices keeping me trapped in a cycle of self-sacrifice just to avoid inconveniencing others.

God wasn’t one of the voices I sought to shut down—quite the opposite. But years of living with those intrusions in my spiritual space had muffled His voice, leaving me hearing only the voices of religious leaders and fellow Christians, even during my quiet moments of meditation. The unexpected gift of my decision to leave religion was something I could never have attained otherwise: a deeper connection to my God. How? By removing all the intruders that had imposed themselves between my Creator and me without my consent, I freed my inner sanctum which should never have been occupied by anything else. In this reclaimed inner sanctum, not only could I finally hear my own voice, but God’s voice also emerged, unobstructed and clear.

Freed from the doubts and lack of confidence in my ability to discern truth from falsehood, perpetuated by religion, I have finally been able to fully embrace the divine gift of a relentless quest for a deeper understanding of our human condition. The chains of a controlled and regulated spirituality have given way to the infinite power of a spirituality without limits.

For a long time, I convinced myself that I was free simply because I had, time and again, managed to turn my back on my oppressors. Yet, it’s only when I reexamined the time I spent with them—and, more importantly, the reasons that kept me there for so long—that I came to a much deeper realization: my liberation will only be truly complete when I have fully rid myself of the doubts and insidious automatisms that, buried deep within me, have shaped my entire life, compelling me to accept the unacceptable as if it were my only option. These mechanisms, which I had questioned but never dared to defy or uproot, ultimately cost me nearly everything I hold most dear.

It took me a lifetime to get here—from the unanswered questions of my earliest childhood to the unbearable doubts of adulthood. Through all those years of a faith that refused to be blind, my mind, without my full awareness, was quietly drafting the foundations of the plan to reengineer my very being—a plan I am only beginning to comprehend now, after completing my exit. My departure from this place, which deep down was never truly home, was inevitable—the culmination of a journey that began the moment I found the courage to question, the resolve to face the consequences of rejecting blind conformity, and the audacity to venture into the unknown rather than remain mired in obscurantism. And once I stepped outside the gates, I tossed away the key and never looked back.

Reengineering my being is undoubtedly the most important work of my life, and it cannot be done halfway. My reengineering must be total, uncompromising, leaving no room for sentimental attachment to fragments of my former self.

Each passing day is a new discovery of an essential truth, the one that the voices of so-called intermediaries of God often prevent us from hearing: that we are born with the permission, the capacity, and the obligation to only follow our own path and not the path laid for us by others, however well intended they are.

Our spirituality is a direct line to the Divine. It is up to us to choose to remove—or keep—anything or anyone that obstructs the emergence of the free being we were always meant to become.

READ ALSO: The Unhealable Wound: Too painful to Revisit, Too Precious to Forget

Read also:On the Mental Health Battleground: Strength Lies in What We Can’t Accept, Not What We Can Endure

Dr Patrick Habamenshi (follow his public facebook page Um’Khonde Patrick Habamenshi)

A must Read–Dr Patrick Habamenshi –Forgiveness: Love or Betrayal?

You may also read: What is life in a word? The wise men have responded

This world,

About the writer

HAKIZIMANA Maurice is a writer, editor, blogger and above all a teacher. He writes about the love of wisdom, history, literature,current events, the world, family, society, religion, relationships and entertainment. Hakizimana M. holds degrees in education and social sciences, English and literature from Sorbonne University-Paris.

II To follow my channel  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II To follow me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/. 

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