Psychology: “Textotunism” – Here’s How Some of Your Friends Use You for Their Own Benefit

HAKIZIMANA Maurice

Some of your friends manipulate you through “Textotunism” (“text opportunism.”) Learn how to recognize this behavior so you can protect yourself from it.

Are you unknowingly a victim of “Textotunism”? If you’ve ever felt uneasy after exchanging several messages with a friend, that feeling might be justified. This phenomenon is fairly common in relationships—especially friendships—and may affect us more than we think.

Text Opportunism

First, let’s define what “Textotunism” means. The term comes from merging the words “text” and “opportunism.” Taken literally, it refers to this situation:

You realize that a friend contacts you only when they need something from you.

Of course, it’s unpleasant to notice this. But does it mean you should necessarily cut such friends out of your life?

How to Recognize It

Before answering, let’s look closer at what this practice actually implies. More precisely, it’s when a friend reaches out to you only when they want advice, a favor, information, or some kind of service—or only when they’re not doing well and need your support.

It could be to ask for your dentist’s name or the address of a good restaurant, to borrow your car, to have you cat-sit (or worse, babysit their children), or simply to come visit them when they feel lonely.

In short: this friend contacts you only when they need you. The rest of the time? Radio silence.

They neither check up on you nor reply to your messages or calls—except when they show up once a month because you can be useful to them.

This toxic and frustrating habit resembles “ghosting,” since the person only contacts you when they feel like it, without considering your feelings or needs.

“It can give the impression that the relationship is transactional or self-serving, rather than mutual and balanced,” explains Aarti Gupta, clinical psychologist, founder and director of TherapyNest in California, in an interview with HuffPost.

Texts and WhatsApp Messages – A Real Emotional Commitment?

Some may argue: “That’s what texts are for… If you really want to catch up, it’s better to meet in person.” Well, yes… and no. Texts and WhatsApp messages are no longer just a trivial means of communication. At least, not anymore.

According to HuffPost, a 2014 Gallup poll revealed that texting had become the main form of communication for Americans under 50.

A 2016 survey of Millennials further showed that 75% of people would prefer a phone that only sends texts over one that only makes calls.

In other words, texting has become one of the main ways to maintain connections with loved ones.

How to React to This Harmful Behavior

“We use texts as a way to emotionally invest in our personal relationships,” confirms Nicole Saunders, therapist and owner of Therapy Charlotte in North Carolina.

“When there’s no reciprocity and responses always feel one-sided or transactional, we may feel a lack of social support—or worse, feel used and exploited.

No one expects to constantly experience such vulnerability in the context of a friendship.”

But be careful: if you notice this behavior from someone close to you, don’t rush to cut them off right away. In most cases, this person doesn’t mean harm, and this habit isn’t intentional.

That’s why it’s important to have an honest conversation. Tell them that you feel neglected—or even used—and that you’d like more attention from them. If you truly matter to them, they will understand.

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