A new word has just emerged on social networks: “boomerasking”: the art of speaking without listening to yourself

HAKIZIMANA Maurice

“Did you sleep well? Because I…”: those people who monopolize (all) the conversations now have a name!

A new term has just emerged on social media: “boomerasking,” the art of talking without listening to yourself. This (very common) technique consists of asking a question with the sole intention of having it come back to you and then being able to answer it.

Do you ever ask your office colleague a question just so they can talk about yourself?

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Example: You ask him what he’s planning to do this weekend. His answer doesn’t matter to you, but you’re eager to explain your own plans. This is called “boomerasking.”

This portmanteau word is a blend of “boomer,” “boomerang,” and “asking.” Basically, it’s the art of throwing a stick (the question) only to end up bringing it back to you.

Self-centered or sympathetic?

In a conversation with friends, we sometimes talk about ourselves, responding without really listening to the other person. This is human behavior.

According to psychology experts, 40 to 60% of what we say in a conversation touches our ego. In short: we often talk about ourselves in order to show off. Boomerasking enthusiasts (who don’t know it) practice this technique constantly.

The Guardian explains that this conversational twist is performed in three steps:

(1) “First, you ask the question;

(2) Then, you listen to the answer;

(3) Finally, you answer the question you asked, which is all you wanted to do in the first place.”

In reality, you only wanted one thing from the start: to talk about yourself. Yes, it’s the epitome of egotism and self-centeredness.

But boomeraskers don’t see themselves that way, since according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, they “consistently consider themselves sympathetic and engaging, while those who received them found them self-centered and hypocritical.”

The term “boomerasking” was coined by Alison Wood Brooks, a psychology professor at the prestigious Harvard University, and she identifies three typical profiles.

I. On the one hand, there’s the “bragging request.”

Understand: asking a question solely for the purpose of answering it and, obviously, bragging.

Example: “What is your son studying again? Mine’s at HEC, he’s destined for a great career.”

II. Second type: “the complaining request.”

More technical, the boomerasker asks a question with the aim of making people feel sorry for him and arousing empathy.

Example: “Did you sleep well? No, because I’m exhausted, I’ve had insomnia, I can’t sleep, and my back hurts too…”

And this goes on for a long time to create compassion. How is the other person doing? It doesn’t matter.

III. Finally, the third type of profile: the “sharing request.”

Here, the interlocutor asks a question, but in reality, he only wants to share a personal anecdote. Basically, he wants to tell his life story.

Of course, boomerasking happens to all of us at some point, but when this technique is applied to every conversation, the boomerasker can turn out to be toxic, without even realizing it. In her study, Alison Wood Brooks explains that these people “come across as poor listeners, preoccupied with their own impending revelation” and are therefore perceived as hypocrites.

She therefore recommends practicing active listening, learning to validate what others say and asking questions that they cannot answer themselves so as not to monopolize the conversation.

Sources: TF1

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HAKIZIMANA Maurice II To follow my channel  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II To follow me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/.