Is it normal to think about someone else when having sex with your other half? Answer from a sexologist

HAKIZIMANA Maurice

While it can be disconcerting to think about someone other than your partner during lovemaking, it is actually not an isolated phenomenon. Fantasy, loss of desire, desire for renewal… Our sexologist Alexandra Hubin has deciphered the meanings that can be hidden behind this.

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Have you ever thought about someone else during an intimate moment with your partner? Don’t panic, this is not a rare phenomenon, or a sign of a loss of desire for your other half. In fact, according to a Harris Interactive survey for Marianne conducted in 2011, 53% of French people admit to having already thought about someone else while making love with their partner. 3% of them said that this happened to them often, 20% from time to time and 27% rarely.

For Femme Actuelle, Alexandra Hubin, sexologist and founder of SexoPositive, explained what can be hidden behind this phenomenon and how not to let it ruin your sex life.

“Above all, don’t tell yourself that you are aliens, if you sometimes think of someone else when you make love, it is really something that happens,” she reassures.

The important thing, according to her, is to ask yourself why this thought occurred during a carnal moment with your partner.

Is it worrying?

What could explain why we suddenly think of another person in the middle of having sex with our other half? “It’s often just to spice up a sexual embrace a little, when we summon certain thoughts, we invite another person into the room to increase the level of excitement a little,” suggests the sexologist. In most cases, it’s just a passing fantasy to spice up the moment. “It’s not serious, with the idea that reality and fantasies are two very different things,” adds Alexandra Hubin.

Alexandra Hubin, Belgian sex therapist

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But according to the expert, there are nevertheless two elements to watch out for: the frequency and the person on whom these thoughts are projected. “If it is very frequent, it can still perhaps hide something that is worth investigating,” she explains. But according to her, it can also be a reason of timing and the explanation is often not far away. Alexandra Hubin gives the example of a patient who imagined making love to Brad Pitt, after having rewatched the film Meet Joe Black. After questioning herself about her relationship with her partner, she realized that “there were no longer really any games of seduction or sensuality and that these thoughts probably came to fill this element there”. This introspection therefore allowed her to verbalize this problem with her partner and to resolve it.

Any solution?

On the side of the person materialized in these thoughts, the situation can quickly become complicated. “Let’s imagine that it’s someone in your entourage, private or professional, it is obvious that at that moment, we put ourselves in much more danger, because these fantasies are supposed to be just stimulating, but they can very well become like projections and stimulate the desire to find ourselves in reality,” explains the sexologist. Thinking about a person in your entourage more or less close during intimate relations with your partner can therefore prove more symptomatic for the relationship. Indeed, the expert adds that in these cases, “on an emotional level, it can obviously be much more complicated.”

In order not to endanger your relationship, Alexandra Hubin recommends “keeping your feet and heart firmly anchored in your relationship, asking yourself questions and communicating them. According to her, you have to keep the idea that fantasies are a bit like salt: “adding some to the dish is great, it gives a bit of flavor, but on the other hand when you put too much, then it ruins everything”, she concludes.

And my point of view?

I think of this verse from an ancient but still relevant book; the Bible. Does it speak to you?

Therefore, I appeal to you by the compassions of God, brothers, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, a sacred service with your power of reason.And stop being molded by this system of things, but be transformed by making your mind over, so that you may prove to yourselves the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.--Romans 12:2

This world,

HAKIZIMANA Maurice: II To follow my channel  Whatsapp https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaCyM5ILdQejDYwQ2b2u II To follow me on facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/professormaurice/

7 thoughts on “Is it normal to think about someone else when having sex with your other half? Answer from a sexologist

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